CAMPAIGN NEWS:
Bill was asked what changes he would propose in the next twelve months. Bill responded by suggesting that the months themselves needed to be changed. He wants all twelve months to be four letter words. July and June are safe. The other changes:
JANUARY would go to JANY
FEBRUARY changes to FEBY
MARCH is now ARCH
APRIL converts to FOOL (Bill's favorite day of the year...April Fools Day)
MAY adds an "e" to MAYE
AUGUST is shortened to GUST
SEPTEMBER becomes SEPT
OCTOBER translates as BILL now (Bill thinks a month should be named after him and since he was born in October...well, you get the idea.)
NOVEMBER shortens to NOER
DECEMBER would become BRRR
Bill refused to comment on the changes...but Lt. Gov. running mate Howie Lindsey thinks that the changes will save everyone a great deal of time when writing, use less ink and cut government spending. Lindsey proposed that Bill is "a stinking genius, I tell ya...and even re-named me Howe."
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Be very afraid, Kentuckians...
Williams, Farmer win Kentucky Republican Governor primary.
In primary voting that attracted less that 10% of those registered to vote, Burkesville reactionary David Williams and former UK basketball player Little Richie Farmer have secured the Republican spot on the November elections for governor and lieutenant governor.
They must be defeated.
If you are a fan of horse racing or casino gambling, you must vote against them.
They combine to form a ticket that will send the commonwealth of Kentucky back into the 1930's with regards to progressive thinking, education and job growth. Williams...a long time political power broker in southern Kentucky...has blocked attempts to bring casino gambling or casino machines to racetracks for years. He is no friend of the horse industry and keeps millions of dollars from filling the state government coffers by his draconian and bullying tactics.
Farmer is a political goofball. Elected agricultural commissioner largely because of name recognition by UK basketball fans...he now seeks to be second in command in Kentucky. That would be like having a pre-schooler head up the physics department at the University of Kentucky. He does seem to be very good at travelling around the state and running up state-paid tabs at various hotels and restaurants. Having him one heartbeat away from control of the state is akin to having a trained chimp next in line to run a banana factory.
BILL THE GOAT realizes he may not win the race for Kentucky governor...but hopes that if he doesn't....standing governor Steve Beshear and his running mate Jerry Abramson do.
Please help Kentucky. Keep David Williams in Burkesville and Richie Farmer in his backyard shooting three pointers.
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In primary voting that attracted less that 10% of those registered to vote, Burkesville reactionary David Williams and former UK basketball player Little Richie Farmer have secured the Republican spot on the November elections for governor and lieutenant governor.
They must be defeated.
If you are a fan of horse racing or casino gambling, you must vote against them.
They combine to form a ticket that will send the commonwealth of Kentucky back into the 1930's with regards to progressive thinking, education and job growth. Williams...a long time political power broker in southern Kentucky...has blocked attempts to bring casino gambling or casino machines to racetracks for years. He is no friend of the horse industry and keeps millions of dollars from filling the state government coffers by his draconian and bullying tactics.
Farmer is a political goofball. Elected agricultural commissioner largely because of name recognition by UK basketball fans...he now seeks to be second in command in Kentucky. That would be like having a pre-schooler head up the physics department at the University of Kentucky. He does seem to be very good at travelling around the state and running up state-paid tabs at various hotels and restaurants. Having him one heartbeat away from control of the state is akin to having a trained chimp next in line to run a banana factory.
BILL THE GOAT realizes he may not win the race for Kentucky governor...but hopes that if he doesn't....standing governor Steve Beshear and his running mate Jerry Abramson do.
Please help Kentucky. Keep David Williams in Burkesville and Richie Farmer in his backyard shooting three pointers.
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Sunday, May 15, 2011
Bill the Goat: A Q and A session.
Why is Bill the Goat running for governor?
Why not ? It's a free country. Bill has proven over the years he's a strong believer in ecology, recycling and the rights of animals.
What is Bill's stance on casino gambling in Kentucky?
He's in favor of it. Why should Kentuckiana dollars go across the river and state lines to fill other states' coffers? And, Bill also would put into legislation that animals, as well as people, would be allowed to visit and participate in legalized gambling activities. Cows like to play roulette and chimps are great fun at the Texas Hold 'Em table...
Why isn't Bill running on one of the parties' tickets?
Bill is tired of "politics as usual" and thinks that as an independent...he doesn't have to appease or bow to the backroom politics and power broker bosses that are rampant in the established political parties. Plus, no one asked him to join a political party. Bill is great fun at parties...just ask anyone who has ever attended one where he has been a guest or party crasher.
What will Bill do about Kentucky's low educational ranking amongst the other states
Bill would revamp the educational process to the old but successful one room schoolhouses. The kids who went through that process turned out pretty good. Lower student/teacher ratios equal success...just ask anyone 70 or older...
Does Bill have a realistic chance of getting elected as governor?
Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Did Goldilocks give up when she encountered the Three Bears? Do the Bears give up when they're down to the Packers by a couple of scores? Of course not. It's not the size of the dog in a fight...it's the size of the owner breaking up the fight that matters...and Bill likes dogs, fights, owners and size.
Will Bill have an aggressive TV ad campaign?
Probably not. Bill doesn't watch TV unless UofL Sporting events are being shown and hates commercials...except for the ones that he is in. Bill feels that TV...along with microwaves and remote controls have ruined this country and would ban the use of them....that's something that probably wouldn't go over too well on a political advertisement on TV.
Will Bill debate with the other candidates?
Definitely not! Bill only bleats...and that doesn't translate too well in a debate forum.
Tell us something else that Bill would enact if elected?
Bill would make each June 14th. a state holiday...because that is the birthday of Bill's favorite college soccer player, Centre's ANDY KAREL. He would authorize state-wide celebrations and public gatherings to celebrate Andy's birthday...culminating in a state-wide sing-a-long at 10 p.m. of "Happy Birthday".
DON'T LET THE OTHER CANDIDATES GET YOUR GOAT.....VOTE FOR BILL!
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Monday, May 9, 2011
BILL THE GOAT SHOWS COMMUNITY INVOLVEMENT
....from the campaign trial...
-BILL THE GOAT enjoyed OAKS and DERBY at Churchill Downs...an infield attendee. He campaigned
for his governor campaign and even stayed around Sunday to help clean up the mess left behind by partygoers. A spokesman for the campaign confided that the crowd was overwhelmingly positive about
Bill's run for the top spot in Kentucky..as well as about everything else going on in the hedonistic infield.
-Bill also announced that he found $5.20 in bills and loose change while cleaning up...which will go into the
campaign treasury.
VOTE IN THE ELECTION? WE HOPE YOU WILL! MAKE SURE TO VOTE FOR BILL!
-BILL THE GOAT enjoyed OAKS and DERBY at Churchill Downs...an infield attendee. He campaigned
for his governor campaign and even stayed around Sunday to help clean up the mess left behind by partygoers. A spokesman for the campaign confided that the crowd was overwhelmingly positive about
Bill's run for the top spot in Kentucky..as well as about everything else going on in the hedonistic infield.
-Bill also announced that he found $5.20 in bills and loose change while cleaning up...which will go into the
campaign treasury.
VOTE IN THE ELECTION? WE HOPE YOU WILL! MAKE SURE TO VOTE FOR BILL!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
BILL the GOAT to campaign at Derby and Oaks
Gubernatoral candidate Bill the Goat will take the campaign to the people with appearances at the Kentucky Oaks and Kentucky Derby this Friday and Saturday. Campaign manager Tom Cahill could not be reached for comment but did issue a statement:
WE feel Bill's campaign is all about the people and where you gonna get more people in two days in this state than at the Oaks and Derby? I tried to get him seats, a box, a suite...but it looks like he's going to end up out in the infield with the crazies. No problem. He's been there before, loves to graze on the grass out there and people are always buying him beer. Plenty of trash out there, too...so Bill can practice his ecology and recycling efforts while there.
WE feel Bill's campaign is all about the people and where you gonna get more people in two days in this state than at the Oaks and Derby? I tried to get him seats, a box, a suite...but it looks like he's going to end up out in the infield with the crazies. No problem. He's been there before, loves to graze on the grass out there and people are always buying him beer. Plenty of trash out there, too...so Bill can practice his ecology and recycling efforts while there.
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| Tom Cahill, pictured right, likes Centre soccer star Andy Karel (center) Also pictured...Paul Sykes, owner of CARDINAL COUPLE (left) and Bread Boy...second row. |
Bill will be accompanied by members of the University of Louisville's Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity and he has also invited Lt. Gov. candidate Howie Lindsey to join him. Lindsey hasn't commented on the probability of his attendance...but was busy watching Louisville Cardinal baseball yesterday...
Prospect impresario Loquacious Gadfly has agreed to be campaign treasurer for Bill's run for governor of Kentucky and noted he has already raised $1.89 for Bill's campaign...loose change he dug out of a fountain at the Oxmoor Mall.
Contributions to the campaign can be given directly to Gadfly...who panhandles outside the Prospect Kroger or to Cahill, who can normally be found in Silks or Champions at Churchill Downs. Small bills or loose change, please. Winning tickets and cash vouchers also accepted.
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.Contributions to the campaign can be given directly to Gadfly...who panhandles outside the Prospect Kroger or to Cahill, who can normally be found in Silks or Champions at Churchill Downs. Small bills or loose change, please. Winning tickets and cash vouchers also accepted.
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Tuesday, May 3, 2011
LINDSEY accepts Bill's offer for 2nd in command.
Popular sportswriter and bon vivant Howie Lindsey has accepted the offer to run as Lt. Gov. on Bill the Goat ticket. Lindsey majestically states:
"Bill's eyes may contain freaky, retangular pupils and mine may be a captivating shade of brown, but we share a common vision. Bill and I share a goal of seeing this state cleaned up, and we'll stop at nothing to
"For years...the name Howie Lindsey has meant honesty, truth, and accuracy in Kentucky. In Hindu, it translates into "he who futhers the cause of cardinals" and I have no doubt that the man would stoop to help a distressed fingerling trout in a murky stream. This is a fine day for all Kentuckians and I am unquestionably proud to have "the Howitzer" by my side."
Although reaction to the announcement of Lindsey will meet with stern disapproval in traditional "BIG BLUE" bases in the Commonwealth...Bill doesn't see that as a problem. Cahill relates:
"They're all voting for 'Little Richie" and that goober from Burkesville anyway...so it's not like we're losing anything there. Plus, they're UK fans and can't be expected to make a rational decision to begin with. Most of then couldn't spell "CAT" if you spotted them the "C" and the "A".
Campaign manager Tom Cahill had his own glowing praise for the addition of Lindsey.
"From the deep darkness of a political black hole in our state...finally, candidates have emerged that stand for something besides toasts at political fundraisers and the National Anthem. Take the four horse at Churchill in the first race, put him in the Pick 3 with the 4,5,6 in the second and take 'em all in the third. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah...Lindsey! Never since the dark days of post-Eisenhower fiscal irresponsiblity and stagnant, bloated Keynesian economic philosophy has a political move had such impact on a mostly indifferential voter base. I welcome Howie and will probably get around to meeting him before the election. Today is a great day to be a Louisvillian, a Kentuckian...even a lumberjack in a stinky backwoods Montana tittie bar...because a sturdy oak in a dilapadated forest has begun to bear leaves. Or leave bears. Whatever."
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"Bill's eyes may contain freaky, retangular pupils and mine may be a captivating shade of brown, but we share a common vision. Bill and I share a goal of seeing this state cleaned up, and we'll stop at nothing to
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| Howie Lindsey (pictured right) poses with a potential voter...or a statue. These are the days that baffle mankind and chimps. |
meet our goal. While Bill prefers to eat the refuse he comes across, I prefer to usher them back to their own message board by banning their BIG BLUE usernames. Plus, by running alongside a goat I join a long tradition of goat-runners, most-notably the Navy Midshipmen, and we all know that those guys get the job done (Osama BinDead)."
Bill's reaction was swift and positive. This release from Bill's campaign manager Tommy Boy:
Although reaction to the announcement of Lindsey will meet with stern disapproval in traditional "BIG BLUE" bases in the Commonwealth...Bill doesn't see that as a problem. Cahill relates:
"They're all voting for 'Little Richie" and that goober from Burkesville anyway...so it's not like we're losing anything there. Plus, they're UK fans and can't be expected to make a rational decision to begin with. Most of then couldn't spell "CAT" if you spotted them the "C" and the "A".
Campaign manager Tom Cahill had his own glowing praise for the addition of Lindsey.
"From the deep darkness of a political black hole in our state...finally, candidates have emerged that stand for something besides toasts at political fundraisers and the National Anthem. Take the four horse at Churchill in the first race, put him in the Pick 3 with the 4,5,6 in the second and take 'em all in the third. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah...Lindsey! Never since the dark days of post-Eisenhower fiscal irresponsiblity and stagnant, bloated Keynesian economic philosophy has a political move had such impact on a mostly indifferential voter base. I welcome Howie and will probably get around to meeting him before the election. Today is a great day to be a Louisvillian, a Kentuckian...even a lumberjack in a stinky backwoods Montana tittie bar...because a sturdy oak in a dilapadated forest has begun to bear leaves. Or leave bears. Whatever."
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Announcing Bill the Goat for Governor !!
Hello, my name is Bill the Goat and I want to be your next governor of Kentucky! I promise you absolutely nothing...because we're all tired of political promises that never come to fruition. I will, though, work for free and not abuse the privledge of power. I would like to thank my friends and employers Paul and Sonja Sykes for creating this website for me...since I have no thumbs and can't type. I am running as an independent, so you'll have to write me in. It's only 11 letters, BILL THE GOAT.
Let's face it...we had jackasses, clowns, chimps and pigs for governor over the years here in Kentucky. Why not a goat? Remember, if you don't vote, don't complain! Thank you for reading and don't let the other candidates "get your goat"!
Bill the Goat
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