Fear the Goat shirts available now.

 WHO WOULDN'T LOOK GOOD IN ONE OF THESE?

Contact Loquacious Gadfly of FUCOM Industries to get yours today!

(L.G. has no e-mail, phone or PO Box but can be found in the Prospect Kroger parking most days between 10 a.m. - 9 p.m.)

-Prices may vary and be subject to change.
-Limited supply. Some sizes may be unavailable.
-CASH ONLY!
-No refunds
-Al sales final

BILL SAYS:

Bill thinks you should buy one of these shirts because Bill gets a small percentage of each sale. Bill needs money to head to Hollywood again and visit with his friend George Clooney.

GET YOURS TODAY! DON'T DELAY!! OK??
..

Other goat logos you might like are also featured below....

Bill the Goat announces "BILL THE GOAT'S KIDS FAN CLUB

HEY PARENTS! WANT TO MAKE SURE YOUR TODDLER HAS SOME BIG FUN?

-Sign up your precious darlin' for BILL THE GOAT'S KIDS FAN CLUB !!!!

That's right....Bill The Goat has formed a Kids Fan club that'll be second to none. Bill plans many fun outings for the "Goatateers" over the next few months and you'll want to make sure your children don't miss a single minute of the action. Planned trips:

-Louisville Waste Manangement facilities

-PJCS Parking lots after UofL home football games

-The Churchill Downs infield after OAKS and DERBY days

-Banks of the Ohio River after flood stages have passed

-The Parrish House after the WVU game

Just fill out the application below and e-mail it to:

billthegoat@insightbb.com

COST IS ONLY $25 for 12 months! (PLEASE MAKE CHECKS PAYABLE TO LOQUACIOUS GADFLY or CASH)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


APPLICATION

Name of child______________________________________________

Other children_____________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Do you have a backyard Bill can graze in?_________________________

Can you sing the "Goat-herders Lullaby?__________________________

Who would Bill contact in case of emergency?______________________

Who would Bill call if he is hungry?______________________________

*Disclaimer.

Bill the Goat's Kids Fan Club is a division of FUCOM Industries and not part of any religious cult, athletic association or registered with the Chamber of Commerce or Better Busines Bureau. Bill cannot be held responsible for any injuries, incidents, acts of war or bare knuckled, bare chested backyard brawls that may occur when the kiddies are under Bill's supervision.

Hey, look Ma! Bill has a Kids Club. Can I join?

PLANNED GUEST SPEAKERS:

COOLIO!!!!!

POOBAH

A real live BEAR!!!!

Seneca senior center Michael Stewart

Tommy Boy and the Irish Mafia

KRAMER!

The dancing of Bon-nay Sabel
and drinking tips
from MArkie MArk

FLO THE CRACK HO!


DON"T MISS OUT GET YOUR KIDS IN TODAY!!!!!!

(Call Murph at the Southside Salvation Army to

book "Flo" for your next event! Prices vary...)

Bill claims..." I wasn't in Henderson on Saturday night."

CALVIN BOREL POPPED FOR DUI...BILL CLAIMS INNOCENCE.

Ace Thoroughbred jockey Calvin Borel was taken down by "the man" Saturday night near Ellis Park Racetrack while on his way back to the hotel after a night of beer and bowling.
Was in Evansville, a town that is known for pretty strict law enforcement, on Hwy 41...the swath that di-sects the city into East Side/West Side (with all the money on the East Side ).

Cops sez he was "cutting too abruptly while changing lanes." For Christ sakes, hadn't the office ever seen Borel ride? His patented "cut to the rail" maneuvers on the race track have been around for years. 

The three time Kentucky Derby Winner (Street Sense, Mine the Bird, Super Saver) was barely over the legal limit of .08 in Indiana, according to his wife and jockey agent . How many cold frosties does it take to get a wee-man like Calvin to .08? Two, maybe?

Bill the Goat, a known associate of Calvin's on the backstretch at Churchill Downs and avid bowler, denies any involvement in the activities Saturday evening that got Calvin blotto.

"Bill is currently housed in the West Wing of the Kentucky Exposition Center at the Kentucky State Fair and will be till next Sunday." press spokesman Tommy Boy related to local media outlets. "He has asked me to share his concerns and worries over the Borel arrest by stating that 'even Bill knows...too much to drink means you don't drive'. It is rumored that Bill was spotted at Executive Bowl (on the outskirts on the K.E.C.) late Saturday night..but he was dumpster-diving alone.

(In other news, Pat Valenzuela shaved all the hair off his body again to avoid DNA drug sample testing.)

CARDINAL Caravan this afternoon

Thursday Cardinal Couple

-Final Cardinal Caravan at Captain's Quarters

-Another Lindsey headed to the press table...

6 p.m. the start time for the activities at Captain's Quarters down on the Ohio River. Rick Pitino, volleyball's Anne Kordes and soccer's Karen Ferguson-Dayes the featured speakers. The Ladybirds and Louie the Cardinal Bird will be on hand as well with Al Greener's excellent UofL Pep Band. Who knows, you just might run into a couple of Lady Card hoopster as well.

Captain's Quarters is a great place to have Cardinal Caravan!

Even though CARDINAL COUPLE won't be able to attend, we've got readers there that have promised to provide us a full report later this evening. If you go, go early...it gets crowded down on the lawn.

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The Howitzer enters fatherdom...

Congratulations to Louisville/Cardinal Sports Report impresario Howie Lindsey and his wife Stasia on the birth of their first child...a nearly 9 lb. baby boy that was named Howard Lindsey IV.

As LSR head man Jack Coffee reports...Mother and child are doing fine...Dad not so well.

Nine pounds...about the weight of Sonja's bowling ball. You can probably expect this one to be running around with a notepad and tape recorder in pre-school a few years from now...getting inside scoop on lunch entree prospects, milk break trends and the latest scuttlebutt around the sandbox. Way to go, big guy!
.

Who else is tired of Flo the Insurance bimbo?

FLO HAS GOTTA GO

Bill is tired of Flo invading the airwaves on television. Bill thinks that Flo needs to join a cult, strangle herself during some kind of sexual bizarro gratification act, become a Nazi or marry a millionaire.

If I knew Flo, I'd head butt her. If I ever see Flo, I'll emit a loud "NAAAAAAAAA" and aim for her genitals with my horns...because we can't have her reproducing.

If Flo was on the UofL women's basketball team, Coach Walz would pull her scholarship.

Bill thinks that they need to replace her with chimps. After all, we're all chimps of the insurance moguls anyway, so why not a little reality TV?

-Bill

It's Official...Bill The Goat withdraws bid for Governor

BILL THE GOAT DROPS OUT OF GOVERNOR'S RACE

-Finances, staff quitting major factors...

In a statement released by Tommy Boy, Bill's last campaign staff member, Bill has decided to quit the race for governor. His comments:

"Although I feel I have reached a significant amount of people who are interested in change for Kentucky, most of them aren't interested in my campaign for governor as being a way to change things. Therefore, I have decided to actively close my campaign for Governor and will throw my support to Jerry and Steve. It's been a blast, I've notified my running mate for Lt. Governor Howie and I'm headed out west for a few months to see the Grand Canyon, do a few television commercials and go to the Burning Man festival.
To all of you that were there with me to the final end, thanks and best wishes."

-BILL

Cahill (far right) poses with CARDINAL COUPLE Co-Owner
Paul Sykes (left), Centre Soccer Star Andrew Karel (second left)
and Bread Boy (second right).

Cahill read the statement before a bewildered group of Japanese tourists visiting the Louisville Slugger Museum and refused to answer questions or pose for photos afterwards. He was seen hours later at O'Shea's...slamming down Irish Car Bombs and debating the Detroit Tigers chances at a World Series slot.

Note: Bill has decided to keep this website open...since it is free and he doesn't have to do anything for it.

ili

BILL, pictured left, expresses his opinion to a passerby at a recent Cardinal Caravan event. Bill has decided that he would like to become director of operations for the Bellarmine University football team and has contacted the school about his availibility. 

Bill's financial advisor during the run, Loquacious Gadfly, met earlier with Bill and offered to turn over $2.87...the balance of the campaign finances. Bill refused to accept the money and instructed Gadfly to send the money to The Crusade for Children. Gadfly seemed uncertain on what his future would hold...but mentioned that panhandling in the area of 4th street LIVE on weekend nights had been going well and he might consider a full time move to the area. We'll bet you the balance that the $2.87 gets deposited in the register at Prospect Liquors in return for a cheap bottle of port. WE'LL have follow ups and reactions to Bill's decision as they become available. We can tell you that former UofL football prospect DaMarcus Smith has already "tweeted" about the decision and said: 'Yo dawg.. DANG wid da Bill foshizzle and word up, yo"

We agree.

BILL THE GOAT ASSESSING HIS CAMPAIGN..

BILL THE GOAT MULLS OVER HIS CAMPAIGN FOR GOVERNOR

The political strategists and campaign organizers involved in Bill the Goat's run for governor have recommended that he put his campaign on temporary hold and have urged him to take a couple of days off the campaign trail to decide whether he has a realistic chance in gathering sufficient votes to take the race. 

In a statement released Friday morning, the brain trust said:

Hey, Bill. You got no chance whatsoever to win this thing. Your campaign coffers are empty, your campaign staff is down to three volunteers who show up whenever they feel like it and your refusal to make any speeches or live appearances isn't helping any. We haven't been paid since we started working for you and polls show that if the election were to be held tomorrow...you'd receive 0.003% of the votes. We're outta here...good luck.

-Your political strategists and campaign organizers.

Bill had no comment about the release...but when asked if he was quitting the race...he replied "Nahhhhhh."

Bill's announced Lt. governor choice Howie Lindsey has been busy with a pregnant wife, full time job and recording his debut gangsta rap EP and could not be reached for comment either.

When asked if he would agree to joining in a debate with Democratic and Republican candidates...Bill answered "Nahhhhhh."

Campaign treasurer Loquacious Gadfly skipped town with the vast majority of the campaign donations several weeks ago to go to Baltimore and The Preakness on a "fact finding" mission and hasn't been heard from since. We're wondering just how far he got on $74.15. Since most of the campaign funds were raised by Loquacious by panhandling and scouring parking lots for loose change...I guess there's "no harm, no foul" there....

Campaign manager Tommy Boy hasn't been heard from since the opening of the live meet at Churchill Downs and would not return calls placed to his listed office phone...some place that answers the phone   "Five O Clock Charlie's"...
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