It's Official...Bill The Goat withdraws bid for Governor

BILL THE GOAT DROPS OUT OF GOVERNOR'S RACE

-Finances, staff quitting major factors...

In a statement released by Tommy Boy, Bill's last campaign staff member, Bill has decided to quit the race for governor. His comments:

"Although I feel I have reached a significant amount of people who are interested in change for Kentucky, most of them aren't interested in my campaign for governor as being a way to change things. Therefore, I have decided to actively close my campaign for Governor and will throw my support to Jerry and Steve. It's been a blast, I've notified my running mate for Lt. Governor Howie and I'm headed out west for a few months to see the Grand Canyon, do a few television commercials and go to the Burning Man festival.
To all of you that were there with me to the final end, thanks and best wishes."

-BILL

Cahill (far right) poses with CARDINAL COUPLE Co-Owner
Paul Sykes (left), Centre Soccer Star Andrew Karel (second left)
and Bread Boy (second right).

Cahill read the statement before a bewildered group of Japanese tourists visiting the Louisville Slugger Museum and refused to answer questions or pose for photos afterwards. He was seen hours later at O'Shea's...slamming down Irish Car Bombs and debating the Detroit Tigers chances at a World Series slot.

Note: Bill has decided to keep this website open...since it is free and he doesn't have to do anything for it.

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BILL, pictured left, expresses his opinion to a passerby at a recent Cardinal Caravan event. Bill has decided that he would like to become director of operations for the Bellarmine University football team and has contacted the school about his availibility. 

Bill's financial advisor during the run, Loquacious Gadfly, met earlier with Bill and offered to turn over $2.87...the balance of the campaign finances. Bill refused to accept the money and instructed Gadfly to send the money to The Crusade for Children. Gadfly seemed uncertain on what his future would hold...but mentioned that panhandling in the area of 4th street LIVE on weekend nights had been going well and he might consider a full time move to the area. We'll bet you the balance that the $2.87 gets deposited in the register at Prospect Liquors in return for a cheap bottle of port. WE'LL have follow ups and reactions to Bill's decision as they become available. We can tell you that former UofL football prospect DaMarcus Smith has already "tweeted" about the decision and said: 'Yo dawg.. DANG wid da Bill foshizzle and word up, yo"

We agree.

BILL THE GOAT ASSESSING HIS CAMPAIGN..

BILL THE GOAT MULLS OVER HIS CAMPAIGN FOR GOVERNOR

The political strategists and campaign organizers involved in Bill the Goat's run for governor have recommended that he put his campaign on temporary hold and have urged him to take a couple of days off the campaign trail to decide whether he has a realistic chance in gathering sufficient votes to take the race. 

In a statement released Friday morning, the brain trust said:

Hey, Bill. You got no chance whatsoever to win this thing. Your campaign coffers are empty, your campaign staff is down to three volunteers who show up whenever they feel like it and your refusal to make any speeches or live appearances isn't helping any. We haven't been paid since we started working for you and polls show that if the election were to be held tomorrow...you'd receive 0.003% of the votes. We're outta here...good luck.

-Your political strategists and campaign organizers.

Bill had no comment about the release...but when asked if he was quitting the race...he replied "Nahhhhhh."

Bill's announced Lt. governor choice Howie Lindsey has been busy with a pregnant wife, full time job and recording his debut gangsta rap EP and could not be reached for comment either.

When asked if he would agree to joining in a debate with Democratic and Republican candidates...Bill answered "Nahhhhhh."

Campaign treasurer Loquacious Gadfly skipped town with the vast majority of the campaign donations several weeks ago to go to Baltimore and The Preakness on a "fact finding" mission and hasn't been heard from since. We're wondering just how far he got on $74.15. Since most of the campaign funds were raised by Loquacious by panhandling and scouring parking lots for loose change...I guess there's "no harm, no foul" there....

Campaign manager Tommy Boy hasn't been heard from since the opening of the live meet at Churchill Downs and would not return calls placed to his listed office phone...some place that answers the phone   "Five O Clock Charlie's"...
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Bill the Goat proposes changes in the 12 months...

CAMPAIGN NEWS:

Bill was asked what changes he would propose in the next twelve months. Bill responded by suggesting that the months themselves needed to be changed. He wants all twelve months to be four letter words. July and June are safe. The other changes:

JANUARY would go to JANY
FEBRUARY changes to FEBY
MARCH is now ARCH
APRIL converts to FOOL (Bill's favorite day of the year...April Fools Day)
MAY adds an "e" to MAYE
AUGUST is shortened to GUST
SEPTEMBER becomes SEPT
OCTOBER translates as BILL now (Bill thinks a month should be named after him and since he was born in October...well, you get the idea.)
NOVEMBER shortens to NOER
DECEMBER would become BRRR

Bill refused to comment on the changes...but Lt. Gov. running mate Howie Lindsey thinks that the changes will save everyone a great deal of time when writing, use less ink and cut government spending. Lindsey proposed that Bill is "a stinking genius, I tell ya...and even re-named me Howe."