BILL THE GOAT MULLS OVER HIS CAMPAIGN FOR GOVERNOR
The political strategists and campaign organizers involved in Bill the Goat's run for governor have recommended that he put his campaign on temporary hold and have urged him to take a couple of days off the campaign trail to decide whether he has a realistic chance in gathering sufficient votes to take the race.
In a statement released Friday morning, the brain trust said:
Hey, Bill. You got no chance whatsoever to win this thing. Your campaign coffers are empty, your campaign staff is down to three volunteers who show up whenever they feel like it and your refusal to make any speeches or live appearances isn't helping any. We haven't been paid since we started working for you and polls show that if the election were to be held tomorrow...you'd receive 0.003% of the votes. We're outta here...good luck.
-Your political strategists and campaign organizers.
Bill had no comment about the release...but when asked if he was quitting the race...he replied "Nahhhhhh."
Bill's announced Lt. governor choice Howie Lindsey has been busy with a pregnant wife, full time job and recording his debut gangsta rap EP and could not be reached for comment either.
When asked if he would agree to joining in a debate with Democratic and Republican candidates...Bill answered "Nahhhhhh."
Campaign treasurer Loquacious Gadfly skipped town with the vast majority of the campaign donations several weeks ago to go to Baltimore and The Preakness on a "fact finding" mission and hasn't been heard from since. We're wondering just how far he got on $74.15. Since most of the campaign funds were raised by Loquacious by panhandling and scouring parking lots for loose change...I guess there's "no harm, no foul" there....
Campaign manager Tommy Boy hasn't been heard from since the opening of the live meet at Churchill Downs and would not return calls placed to his listed office phone...some place that answers the phone "Five O Clock Charlie's"...
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